If I Had Been There by Suzanne Hancock

Lighting up the darkened sky,

The moon shines full and bright

A beacon there to guide us

On yet another Christmas night

My mind turns to reflect

Upon that Holy time long ago

Mary rocks her newborn child

Her sweet voice tender and low

If I had been there in Bethlehem

What role might I have played?

Would I be an overworked innkeeper

Or a shepherd who was afraid?

Would I have heeded the angel’s call

And to the King swiftly gone?

Would I have wanted to linger there

Not departing until the dawn?

Like the Wise Men I may have been

My gift at a later date bringing

Seeing then a sweet toddler instead

His praises triumphantly singing

Would I be like the Nephites so brave

Waiting with patience for signs to appear

Never denying the prophesied words

Knowing the Lord said, “Be of good cheer”?

Perhaps I would be in the Heavenly choir

Ringing down Hallelujahs from above

Tuning my voice and my heart to His

Filling my eternal soul with His love

None of these were my stories, I know

I was simply a spectator to the glorious events

I do not recall what I thought nor felt

With the earthly veil around me not rent

I hope I felt then like I feel so now

Looking at the moon, white and pure,

Knowing that He came to suffer for me

Knowing that His love for me is sure

Who or what I may have been back then

Matters not now on this earthly night

What matters is how I try to be like Him

Do I serve? Love? Shine with His light?

In that stable I would have loved to be

Witness to miracles that did abound

Even so, with my own burning heart’s desire

His grace, His truth, His embrace I have found.

What Can I Give? by Virgene Silvers

I have a vivid memory of the night I graduated from St Johns High School.  My classmates and I gathered outside on the front steps leading in to the school.  The school auditorium was filled to capacity, brimming over with townsfolk who’d come to celebrate with us.  We were decked out in traditional white and red graduation robes, making last minute preparations for “Pomp & Circumstance,” the Processional March.  I was anxious and ready to get this over with so I could move on.  I blurted out, “I can hardly wait to graduate and get out of this town!”  Mr. Sam Udall, school principal, turned around and said to me, “The day will come when you will regret those words.  You will come to love St Johns and appreciate what you learned here.”  He was right; boy was he right!

It took me a while to know Mr. Udall was right.  I made a lot of mistakes.  I was a bit arrogant and worldly.  It was after the birth of my children and the deep appreciation of motherhood that I came to my knees.  I thought of the wonderful mothers of my childhood.  I knew a big change was needed.  My thoughts and heart turned home: to St Johns, my parents, teachers, and friends; the lessons learned, the principles and values taught, and, above all, a town where family and faith is paramount.  Though difficult and fraught with highs and lows, the move to St Johns with my children was a blessing.  I’m deeply grateful for those parents, friends, and teachers who helped raise Renee’ and Jason.

 

This brief glimpse into days’ past is to acknowledge how much friends and family of St. Johns, my hometown, have given me.  I’ve received gifts of example, love, friendship, acceptance, and employment.  I HAVE been given much.  But, the ultimate gifts are repentance, forgiveness, the knowledge of Jesus Christ, my elder brother, the Light and Savior of the world and his atoning sacrifice for me.

The last ten weeks I’ve spent associating with a diversified group of our community: young and old, of every religion and station of life.  What a wonderful privilege to share our common belief in Jesus Christ and celebrate his birth through camaraderie and beautiful music!  Making friends by singing in a community choir is an exceptional way to get to know and love thy neighbor.

I go outside at night and look upward to Heavenly skies and see the stars over our blessed little town so quiet and peaceful.   I can see over the little village and enjoy the Christmas lights twinkling on decorated homes and down “Main Street.”  I can envision the angels singing as the world in solemn stillness lay, when the time foretold came, Christ is born of Mary, a babe in a lowly manger.  HE is the gift. 

We are all God’s children, brothers and sisters.  May we continue to serve and love one another.  Jesus Christ has shown us the way.  We have a perfect pattern to follow.  He is our Savior and Redeemer.  Peace on earth and good will toward all men.  Merry Christmas!

The Magic is Within Us by Breonna Ellington

Christmas time is honestly and truly the most wonderful time of the year. Growing up in such a small, close community, I always felt that there was some sort of magic that happened. From the goodies, the lights, the friendly happy faces, and the smell of warm fires… Christmastime is magical.

As I reflect on my Christmases growing up, I can think of SO many that were special and unforgettable. From my parents buying my siblings and I a 4-wheeler and spending ALL Christmas day riding it up and down our road, to my parents surprising us with a trip to Hawaii! I've realized how much my parents did to make sure we had the most magical Christmases. My mom and dad are truly the most selfless and most kind-hearted people I have ever encountered in my life. I think about my dad taking us out to go cut wood, so our neighbors around town could have a warm Christmas. I remember my sweet mamma making 100's of cinnamon rolls to take to her work, friends, and families that needed a little Christmas love. I remember my mom organizing 12 days of Christmas and my siblings racing to the car, last one in had to be the runner:). My parents made our Christmases about their children and others.

Being a mamma to my own mini me, I've come to realize that maybe there isn't magic that comes with Christmastime; maybe it is the way we treat others around this beautiful time of year that makes it so completely majestic. I am so thoroughly blessed to live in this amazing community. I'm blessed that my husband and I get to raise our little girl in a place where people say "Merry Christmas" and make Christmastime so kind, magical, and undoubtedly the most wonderful time of the year.

The Day We Became a Family by Kaylin Lindsey

This is something I haven't really talked much about on the blog because I didn't know if it was "appropriate." I was afraid someone would be mad that I was sharing this part of our life. However, this summer one of the biggest moments of our life took place, and with it being National Adoption Month, I wanted to share our story. Although our adoption story isn't like the "traditional" stories, it's OURS and I wanted to share it.

I wrote a post awhile back called The Dad He Didn't Have To Be. All of that post is still true to this day, except one major thing has changed since writing that post. Michael officially became a dad, on paper, as of July 16th, 2015. Baby girl was adopted, and it was one of the best days of my entire life. We have always been a family. Since day one, we've been a family. Something about having it "official on paper" was life changing. All three of us now share the same last name. How exciting is that?! It's a big step to decide to adopt someone's child. You are stepping up and taking on all responsibility for that child, NO MATTER WHAT. Michael told me that he never second guessed his decision. I know God brought him into our life to not only be my husband, but to be the fully devoted and present father baby girl deserves.

I missed out on a lot of things having a baby at 19. One of those things were newborn pictures. Everyone these days has the cutest pictures of their new baby cub in adorable poses and cheesy outfits. With big changes happening in our family, such as baby girl getting officially adopted, we wanted to do something special to commemorate the occasion. So, we staged a newborn photo shoot. With a five year old. HAHA! I may not have gotten these pictures when she was little, but we have them now that we're a family of three. Yes, this is meant to be silly. But we also got some amazing family shots out of it, and we love them SO much! We have loved this process, we have loved the changes, and we loved doing this shoot.
 

He Calleth Them All By Their Names by Kate Nosker Tanner

Growing up, I always loved looking at the stars. If I got home late in the evening, I would take a moment to look up at the stars… even in the -30 degree weather of a Minnesota January. Living 30 minutes from the Twin Cities there was a lot of light pollution and only the brightest stars could be seen. We moved to St. Johns a year and a half ago, and one of the first things I noticed was how breathtaking the night sky was. I can see so much more than where we were living in Minnesota. 

When I see the stars I am reminded of how much my Heavenly Father loves me. "He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names." (Psalms 147:4) Amongst all the billions and billions of stars out there, he knows each and every one of us personally. I'm grateful for the knowledge that my Father in Heaven loves me. He knows me; He knows my fears, my weaknesses, my hopes, and my dreams.

Never have I been more reminded of that than during the past 19 months. The trials my family and I have experienced have been difficult, but I know we are where we're supposed to be. These trials have helped me grow closer to my Heavenly Father, to seek His will. The darker the night, the more stars you can see and the brighter they shine. 

I feel my Savior's love

In all the world around me.

His Spirit warms my soul

Through ev'rything I see.

He knows I will follow him,

Give all my life to him.

I feel my Savior's love,

The love he freely gives me.

Thy Will by Elisha Hinton

     Heavenly Father does hear and answer prayers he knows and loves each of us. I have always believed this.   If a person can pray too much, then that would be me. I had an experience though, with one of my best friends, that taught me a new lesson about prayer.  

Kellie and I would workout together, have girls night out together, and take our kids to the park. I felt truly blessed to have such a good friend.  Just before I found out I was going to have my fifth child, Kellie found out she had breast cancer. What a shocker!  Immediately I began prayers for her.  In addition to her recovery, I prayed and prayed that she would get better and feel well enough to attend her kids programs at school.  I continued my prayers daily,  

    One night my husband was praying for his grandma who had taken a bad fall.   He prayed that she would get better if it be “thy will”.  Upon hearing those words, it hit me... I hadn't been praying for Heavenly Father’s will!  The theme of all of my prayers essentially was that I wanted my friend to be here with me. As selfish as that might sound, it was what I sincerely hoped for. I began to reflect the  conversations we’d had, I recalled that she had told me several times it was so painful she wanted to be done with this life.   She told me about the angels she had seen and how peaceful it would be in heaven. We had talked about Heavenly Father and the love she had for him. It seemed she was prepared for her future in a way I hadn’t let myself consider.

The next night when I prayed, I prayed that she would get better if it be “thy will”. Well it wasn't his will... she passed away a week later. Her mission on this earth was over.  Looking back now,  I understand  it wasn't my prayer that made her pass, but rather the Lord had blessed me with the time needed to understand. I am grateful for the friendship of Kellie, and also grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers.

Send Me... by Kirstin Udall

On Veteran’s Day my Aunt Sharon Cowley, posted the following on social media as a tribute to her veteran father:  “My dad, Lt. Col Russell L. Rogers flew 128 combat missions over North Korea and subsequently served his country as a fighter test pilot until 1967.  In 1967 he was serving as a fighter squadron commander stationed in Okinawa.  He had occasion to fly through a small valley where he had been a Forward Air Controller 17 years earlier in South Korea.  I would like to quote some reflective words concerning war he wrote in a letter home to his mother.  "Though this human tragedy is timeless, I think it does serve a noble purpose so long as we consider defense against tyranny and brutality a noble cause.  As for me, my pride is boundless when my young pilots come to me as one and say:  'Send me, Sir!'  Their next words are unspoken, but their eyes ask only, "Take care of Sue--just in case."  Our rapport is perfect and words would only break the spell.  Truly these are America's finest!"

My dad, Lt. Col Russell L. Rogers was killed while serving during the Vietnam War several months later.  I want to honor all those men and women who serve their country with courage and valor--including my own son, Captain Russell T. Cowley, US Army.”(Sharon Rogers Cowley)

What courage each of these young men had to volunteer for service, knowing the sacrifice that could be waged upon them with this offer “Send me, Sir”. How grateful I am that great men and women are willing to serve our country so that its values of freedom can survive.

In addition to my gratitude of our service men and women, my Aunt’s post reminded me of a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that used a similar phrase and theme, only it applied to each of our calls as children of God.  

“In that great council in heaven, our Father called for help to carry out the plan of salvation that would bless all of his children. When he asked, “Whom shall I send?” the Savior stood up and spoke out and said “Send me” (Abr. 3:27). We too had our parts, our assignments given to us. You have been taught by a prophet that “you are accountable for those things which long ago were expected of you just as are those we sustain as prophets and apostles!” (Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign,Nov. 1979, p. 102).

 

So what is expected of us today? So many issues and debates are coming to head right now. So many people are spouting anger, arguing and there have even been deaths of the innocent. The adversary is attacking from every angle. Whom can the Lord trust to do what is expected by him? This quote reminded me that each of us made a solemn commitment to our Father in Heaven that we would stand up for his name and his word.  Our Savior set the standard and example as he loved everyone, and served them, and administered to them no matter what their circumstance or situation.  When asked the greatest commandment, the Savior responded “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy might mind and strength.  And the second is like unto it, that thou love thy neighbor as thyself.”  What gratitude I have for the Savior, and his charity.   Evil can’t win if we don’t cave to the fighting and the negativity when we don’t see eye to eye. I hope rather that we will all stand up and lead out with love, hope, kindness and measure up to our potential as children of God. Who will further the cause of peace on earth good will to men? May we all strive to be able to confidently say, "Send me."

The Man in the Mirror by Suzanne Hancock

When I moved back to St. Johns in 2001, I expected to experience the Mayberry-esque feelings and times that I remembered from my childhood and teenage years. Santa Claus arriving in an airplane with paper bags of candy. Walking to Circle K with my Papa for a treat. Friday night dances at the high school. Friends and family aplenty, all with never-ending smiles. I even had an Aunt Bea!

Boy, was I disappointed to return as an adult and find that all those I thought were the perfect mothers and fathers and families actually had faults. People weren’t nice and friendly but busy and tired. Teaching was just as demanding and time-consuming as it had been in Tempe. And there certainly was no Sheriff Taylor for me to date, as all the single men in town were widowers as old as my grandparents.

Norman Rockwell had repainted my beloved hometown into something unrecognizable to me.

I was crushed. Why had I returned home? This was NOT what I wanted or needed. As each day, week, month, and even year, passed, I became more bitter as the chasm grew between what I hoped St. Johns would be for me and what it actually was. I was depressed and lonely and angry.

Then something happened.

St. Johns gradually became that picture-perfect small town again. Everyone greeted me with a smile and a warm hello; some even gave me a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Teaching became something I loved and not merely my job. I watched those around me trying their best to be good mothers and fathers and people. The kids in town went from being bothersome to being amazing, talented, respectful young people. I was in awe of this transformation. It was as if fairy dust had been sprinkled all over our community and everyone sparkled. I even saw beauty in our dry, brown land.

One day it hit me that there was no magical change that had occurred in the town, but there had been a magical change within me. In a few years’ time, I had started to do things in my own life that brought me to where I needed to be. Reading my scriptures, praying more, attending church, serving others… All these brought me closer to Jesus Christ, which brought me closer to happiness.

Michael Jackson inspiringly sings, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer: If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.”

I had looked at the (wo)man in the mirror all those years ago, and I had not liked what I had seen. I made changes, and my world became a better place. Even now, when I start to feel frustrated and critical and judgmental, I take a look at myself to see what I need to do differently. I try to put on my rose-colored glasses daily in order to see the good in others. I try to remember that everyone is fighting a battle in his/her life, whether large or small. I try to soften my heart and feel empathy, compassion, and love.

I TRY, which is all any of us are doing. And when I fail, which we also all do, I start back with the Suzanne in the mirror, and I ask myself to make a change – a change that will bring me closer to being the Daughter of God that I am destined to be.

Grateful for the Sacrifice by Kelli Wahl

      Growing up I always believed that people are where they are because they chose to be there. Despite external circumstances like being sick or another’s influences, we are where are today because we have chosen to be there.

       This belief was a slap in my face when I was sick in high school. I didn’t choose to get sick but it happened. The only choice I had was where I was going with what I had. I could have stayed home more and made excuses but I chose to go back to school and play softball, even if coach had to hold my oxygen tank when we were warming up.

        No matter the circumstances in our lives, ultimately we chose where we are and who we are. As a first time mom, full time student with a part time job, church callings, and friends this became harder and harder to face. I have found myself exhausted, beaten down, discouraged, and doubtful. I looked around at my friends and colleagues who complained about not having enough time to study when they had no job, no family, and no commitments. It was frustrating. I started to compare my life to theirs and judge them not because I thought I was better than them for all things I was juggling and still making it work but because admittedly I wanted that life, the “easy” life.

       I got my first C in my academic career this semester and I was devastated. Getting a C on a test in my nursing program meant that if I didn’t get all A’s and B’s on the following exams I would flunk out. A “C” in nursing school is anything less than an 83 and you have to uphold a higher GPA to stay in the program. On top of that I had scholarships that were the only reason I was going to a university that I had to live up to. I was barely getting 4 hours of sleep a day and I was cranky and beaten down. I wanted to quit. I hadn’t seen my friends in months, the laundry was taking over the bedroom, I hadn’t gotten dressed for the day yet and I still didn’t fit into all my jeans.

      I sat at home feeding Gordon in the rocking chair, it had been almost two hours and the little turd still wasn’t done eating. He messes around and falls asleep half way through eating and then is still hungry when he wakes up. I was so stressed out. As I sat there thinking of all the better things I could be doing with my nursing books staring my down beneath the pile of dishes and laundry Gordon looked up at me and just laughed. I looked down and laughed too and then asked him “What are you laughing at?” He laughed again and shook his head and cooed a soft, sweet noise at me and I started to cry.

     Travis and I didn’t plan on having a kid in school but when it happened we told ourselves we could do it. People did it all the time right? Lately I felt like I was not one of those people anymore but as Gordon laughed at my pity party and misguided perspective, through my tears I realized that I had it all, and I was exactly where I wanted to be.

      I was so blessed. No I can’t and will never be able to do it all. My house will get cluttered and a little dirty every day, I won’t be getting 7-8 hours of sleep anymore, my grades won’t be perfect and my hair won’t always look great. BUT.  I have a healthy, happy baby, a husband who loves me and loves the Lord, I have a house, a job, and I get to go to school and get an education. I have great neighbors and a great community who supports me.  I have an amazing family ward and food in my fridge.  I have everything I wanted in life. Though I am not a nurse yet my long term goals have always consisted of becoming a nurse and having a family. This is where I wanted to be and I was complaining that I was there. I had been focusing on the sacrifices I was making instead of what I was sacrificing for.

         Heavenly Father had blessed me with everything I wanted and needed. Looking at my life at this point it was nothing significant, or so I thought. We struggled to read scriptures anymore due to our lack of sleep and school schedules, but we tried. We attempted family home evening every Monday even if it was just to talk to one another for a little while. We served our neighbors even if we really didn’t have time or should rather be studying. We forgave easily and we put one another first. We loved our baby even though it would be so much easier to let him sit in a poopy diaper for another hour. The things that matter most in life and that make you the happiest are never going to come easily. They are based on your willingness to give up the mundane things of life for a day to day struggle in accomplishing a far greater purpose, a far greater joy. I realized there could never be a greater authentication of my dignity, my worth, my privileges, and my promises than by being a mom and by working to accomplish my goals.

      By sacrificing a little of what our natural man craved we have become far happier than I could have imagined even if it wasn’t perfect we were trying our best. Ezra Taft Benson once said, “Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He can deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls and pour out peace.” When we didn’t think we were accomplishing much we were in fact becoming what we wanted to be and what Heavenly Father wanted us to be, simply because we chose every day to give a little more and to make choices that would lead us to where we wanted to be. Sometimes it’s not pretty, but when you are in those moments of pure joy and happiness, when you get an A on your next test with 3 hours of sleep the night before, or when your little one looks at you with the eyes of heaven and smiles; you know you are where you want to be.

     I know for myself how the fruits of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the blessings of our Father in heaven can transform lives from the seemingly ordinary and dreary to the extraordinary and sublime. If you do not know this for yourself or wonder why it might seem to work better for some than others or wonder what the difference is between those who experience hearts full of redeeming love and those who seem like something is always lacking, stop and evaluate. You may already be where you want to be and just not realize it or you may be where you are because you are not willing to sacrifice a little bit of life for a better one. The truth of life is hard but you make it what you want it to be. Be grateful for the sacrifice. It makes life so much sweeter. If there was no struggle or no sacrifice we would have “…no joy, [knowing] no misery; doing no good, [knowing] no sin.” (2 Nephi 2:23).