The Muscles that Help Shape Us by Tana Wilson

My five-year-old son was listening to my conversation about an adult who tried to cheat a kid out of his money.  He said, “I’d just walk away.”  Then he said, “No, first I’d punch him, and then I’d walk away.”  All I could do was smile at the picture of him punching an adult.  A child needs more than his own muscle to back up his words; ironically he needs the muscle of an adult.

As a fifth grader I fell on hard times.  I didn’t have the same matching shirt my friends had from Yellow Front.  (Does anyone remember that store in town?)  I was extra shy and super quiet in class.  Sometimes we don’t know we exist unless the people around us say we do.  I knew I mattered, but I needed an adult to back up my words.  Mr. Dan Heap, my fifth grade teacher, singled me out, walked over to my desk after a hard recess and had a heart-felt conversation with me that changed me.

            As a high school athlete I loved playing basketball.  Howard Jackson, Sr. was our high school janitor.  As he mopped the gym floors at halftime, he would talk to me about the game.  I needed his muscles to encourage me to play basketball at the college level.  He sent videotape and secured for me a tryout, and ultimately a position, with the Lady Mustangs in Silver City, New Mexico.

As a senior in high school I decided to learn how to swim.  I took a lifeguarding class at the Round Valley pool and was hired by Bonnie Cain to lifeguard at St. Johns.  Learning something new always brings challenges.  I needed the muscles of Sue Hall, who taught that lifeguarding class, and Bonnie Cain, who was my boss, to let me experience those problems, so I could progress as a swimmer.  Years later, when I rescued my own daughter from a near-drowning accident, I was grateful for these two mentors. 

To me, living in St. Johns has always meant there are adults on my side, to back up my words.  May we be the kind of adult who coaches, teaches problem- solving skills, and sets limits for the kids around us, just as Jesus does for each of us… then He will call us His because we are like Him.

Our Family's Glue by Douglas Patterson

Last week, I celebrated my 46^th birthday with the people that I love the very most in the whole world: My wife Amanda, who is the most amazing woman on the planet; our 18- year-old son, who is a senior in high school and in the process of preparing to graduate and go on a mission for our church. Our middle son was also there. He will be 15 next month and is a freshman. He just finished a great basketball season! Our youngest son, who is 12 and in 6^th grade, was there too. He’s a percussionist in the band, and he wrestles as well. All of our boys are outstanding, and we love them.  They’re not perfect, but they’re ours! We love them.

These great young men, however, were upstaged, and, quite frankly, stand in the shadows of the final guest at my birthday dinner. Their 7-month-old sister stole the show. That’s right. 7-month-old sister… So, by now you have done the math, and you’re right! I was 45 when she was born! I have heard it all (mostly from our boys). “Did you guys plan this?”… “Dad, you’re too old for this!”

Not long after she was born, even the lady at JoAnn’s got into the mix when she approached me and my daughter as we stood waiting for Amanda to check out…”Sir that is the cutest baby ever. You must feel like the luckiest Grandpa in the whole world.”  I knew it was bound to happen; I just didn’t expect it that soon.

While not a Grandpa, I am the luckiest Dad in the world. Hazel, our baby girl, was due on July third. She chose, however, to come on Father’s Day a few days early.  It was late Sunday evening, and I announced my intentions to go to bed, so that my 4:30 departure for the power plant would not be too abrupt. At 10:00 my wife joined me. At 10:15, she was a little uncomfortable and got back up. At 10:30, she kindly but firmly told me to get out of bed; it was time. I told her I would take a quick shower, and we would be on our way. She told me it would be the last shower I would ever take. I opted for a baseball cap, and we set out. I drove. My father-in-law was my co-pilot, and my sweet and laboring wife and her mom (an OB nurse) were in the back.

I’d like to add at this point, that I have ALWAYS dreamed of letting the horses run with no fear of legal repercussions! This was my chance.  I was confident that I could open my wife’s car up, and the 20 miles to the hospital would be half the normal trip it should have been. We were off!

About 5 minutes in, Amanda announced that Hazel was coming. Her mom disputed that.  2 minutes later, Amanda argued against the diagnosis. A quick check by the experienced nurse confirmed Amanda’s suspicion. I was commanded to rein in the horses and get to the side of the road. Before I could come to a complete stop, Hazel announced her arrival!  Oh man! We had just entered a realm you only hear about! 

No sooner had I stopped the car then I was ordered to open it back up.  I did as commanded and the last half of the trip was a literal blur.

We pulled into the hospital, and the onus of the delivery was moved from the back seat of the car, onto the shoulders of the capable hospital staff.  (There was nothing left for them to do!)

Once we settled in, and the adrenaline was gone, I began to realize the magnitude of what had happened and the blessing of the safe, healthy arrival of our baby, and the safety and health of her mom.

So, what is it like to be 46 and have a 7-month-old baby?  Well, you see our family is a blended family. Alex and Luke and I met Oliver and Amanda about 5 years ago. Amanda and I were married and started on this incredible, but sometimes difficult journey. We have been blessed by our Father in Heaven in ways that would have been unimaginable to me, had I just been a spectator. We moved up from the Valley, our kids entered new schools, and they immediately experienced success and friendship. My job has been perfect! We are happier than we could have ever imagined. BUT, there was something missing. I guess it was the glue…

When Hazel joined us late in the night of the longest day of the year, in the back seat of the car, our Father in Heaven added the glue to our family.

Now, a family of all boys has been softened by a sweet, impatient, smiling little angel.  When the school day is done, and practices are finished, there is a mad dash to drop backpacks and be the first to get to Hazel. She has been to every sporting and school event over the last seven months. Now she cheers! She’s not content to just be there; she loves to watch and yell. When we pray as a family, she yells, and we giggle! She loves her brothers, and they love her! We are a closer and better family because of her. Sure, I can relate with Abraham a little better now, but for the blessings we’re experiencing every day, it is well worth it!

Lessons in Love... An excerpt written by Elizabeth Wilbur shared by Kirstin Udall

Happy Valentine’s Day!  A day when we take a moment to appreciate love and express our gratitude for those who bless our lives with this great gift. There are so many ways to express love and  I have seen many great models of love in my lifetime, but one in particular stands out and I’d like to share a few words about my aunt and uncle, Corrine and Frank Wilbur.  They shared a special love that was a great example to me.

The two lived here in town in their later years, and Frank ran the St. Johns Rock Shop downtown, until their ailing health forced them to move away. Uncle Frank passed away a few years ago, and one of his daughters shared the lessons she learned from him in a “Top Ten” list format at his funeral.  These examples she shared, she observed from her parents’ lives.  The list is applicable to all of us, and every item addresses the many roles that LOVE can play in each of our lives and in our relationships, so I thought this an appropriate day to share them.

My cousin Liz shared the following about her dad at his funeral:  “…though I’m no David Letterman, I would like to share with you the top ten things that Dad taught us.

#10 Friendships are important.  When we were younger we were encouraged to develop friendships because Dad knew that would help us to grow and also get through the difficult things in life.   The sweetest thing that Mom and Dad taught us is that the best friend you could ever have is your spouse.  They did everything together from walking around the block to traveling across the continents.  They were inseparable.

#9 Manners matter.  From opening doors, to expressions of politeness, dad was on top of it.  Dad had the highest regard for women and their role in the home and society, and he showed that in action and word.  There wasn’t a time that I can remember that he didn’t open mom’s car door, or offer to carry anything for her, and always express his appreciation for anything that was done for him.  We laugh about taking Mom to the store with us because she would stop and stand waiting for the car door to be opened for her. Dad had trained her that all she had to do was stop and wait.  Even in their last few years together when he was using a walker, he would try to open doors and carry things when he really couldn’t.

#8 Being a grandparent is the best gig around!  Now for all of you grandparents, you know exactly what I am talking about.  Dad loved being “Grandad”.  He loved every single grandchild and was interested in them, what they were doing, and how they were.  He would get such a kick out of them.  A cherished memory is at every July 24^th we would come up for the parade, but more importantly the lawn mower and fork lift rides, and a tour through the rock shop.  He and mom took special trips with them.  They went whitewater rafting, to the Grand Canyon, Colorado, Disneyland, &San Diego.  He wanted the very best for each grandchild and was always concerned with their happiness.

#7  Music soothes the soul.  Dad had a natural gift with his music.  Because of Rheumatic fever as a kid, he wasn’t able to have much physical activity thus allowing him more time to practice the piano. It is interesting how a challenge opened up other opportunities for growth in an area that gave him one of his greatest joys, and abilities that enabled him to serve others throughout his life.  He played the piano beautifully and with gusto. He played in his home ward, for community events, and accompanied many soloists throughout his life.  He could recall hundreds of songs that he would play by ear.  Spirituality, emotion and love were passionately expressed on his piano.

#6 Laughter is the best medicine.  Dad had a great sense of humor.  He had a great laugh and was always smiling.  He loved a good pun.  I can still hear both mom and dad laughing and giggling together over so many things.

#5 Honor thy father and thy mother. Dad had the greatest respect for his mother, and knew she loved him.  His dad grew to be one of his best friends through years of working together, talking and sharing.  I don’t recall ever hearing dad speak negatively about his parents, rather laughing about what he considered their quirks.  He never required that they give their love in a way that he wanted, rather he accepted what they gave using it to form his own unique personality.

#4 It is more important to be good than look good.  Dad was authentic in every way.  There was no pretense about him.  He had a way of seeing each person as unique and allowed them to just be.  While some people are more concerned with hiding their flaws, he recognized his weaknesses and tried to overcome them.  He went about his business treating others fairly, kindly, and with respect.  Dad never had to tell people what he did or how he served, he just did it.  He didn’t have to try to look good because he was good.

#3 Value your children.  It is easy to naturally love your children, but when you value who they are, what they have to give, and their thoughts and feelings, you create a bond that is lasting.  The time Dad spent with us was precious because he did value us.  He would take every opportunity to really talk to us, and find out how we felt, what we thought and what we were doing in our lives.  The debate goes on about quality verses quantity when in reality it is just about being available emotionally for our children.  Though each us kids had different personalities and needs, dad found a way to meet them, and encourage each of our gifts and talents.  Throughout the years, dad would express how much he enjoyed having us as children and how much fun it was.  Our love and affection for him comes not from the time he spent with us, or from what he did for us, but by how he made us feel.  We were loved, cherished, and valued.

#2 Its all about the love.  I remember dad telling the story of when he and mom were dating. He was at the fairgrounds working at the concessions.  After talking a bit, mom hopped over the the counter to help him and they have been together ever since.  Dad loved the fact that mom had a sense of style and class, and encouraged her to be who she was.  He loved to see her dressed up and I can still hear him whistle when he saw her and then he would pat her fanny as he would call it.  While he loved the way she looked, he loved her depth and the way she thought even more.  It is hard to put into words exactly what made their relationship so beautiful because it was so many things.  The biggest thing however seems to be their ability to become one with each other.  When they married, I became WE, and MINE became OURS.  They not only embraced the positive, but also accepted what might be considered negative and they worked with it.  They loved all of who the other was rather than bits and pieces.  Some of the sweetest moments of observing their love in its fullness was as they grew older and were in the throes of their disease.  Being separated was a very lonely time for dad.  He would look at mom’s picture and say “that’s my girl.  I love and miss her so much.”  It was both painful and sweet to hear his expression of love.  Mom had not been able to walk or communicate for years.  One Easter I was driving them to Jamie’s for dinner and in my rear view mirror I could see mom reaching over to straighten dad’s windblown hair… and later dad made a joke, and mom actually laughed and said “you!” as she had always done.  Weeks before he died, I witnessed a day when Mom was crying and dad went over to comfort her.  He leaned over and whispered, “sweetheart, everything is going to be okay.  I love you.”  Mom calmed down for a moment and said back, “I love you.”  Even as weak, lost and confused as they were, they still knew that they loved each other.

#1 The most important thing Dad taught us, he did so with Mom, and that is when you have covenanted with the love of your life and you become one, HOLD ON and never let go.  Not through  personal or spiritual crisis; not through financial crisis, not through the raising of children, teenagers, even a wayward child; not through the death of a child cause by something considered a sin, not through the ebb and flow of human emotion; not through Alzheimer’s or Lewy Body Dementia.  HOLD ON and don’t ever let go!  Because if not in this lifetime, surely in the next to come, it will have been worth it!  To us there is no Dad without Mom, even down to the great grandchildren, no Grandad without Grammy.  Though they were enough as individuals, together they were amazing!  And at the end of the day, does it get any better than that?”

A Most Unexpected Blessing by Diane LeFevre

A little over twenty years ago I was a young mom with five beautiful children and a great husband.  Life was busy, hectic, exhausting and wonderful all at the same time. I felt my life was complete.  My hands were full when our last little baby girl arrived.  Much to our surprise and concern, she came with a bonus - an extra chromosome!  I knew next to nothing about Down Syndrome and worried about my ability to provide all that she would need in this life.  I worried about her health issues, her ability to learn and whether her peers would treat her with kindness and love.  But what I was most unprepared for, was what SHE would teach ME about love.

In all the doctor visits, surgeries, evaluations and therapies, I had no idea that Michelle was here to take care of me, not the other way around.  From the moment she arrived the atmosphere in our home changed.  I had five other busy, very individual children that didn’t always get along with each other.  Michelle had a calming effect on all of us.  We suddenly saw our family in a new light – a light only Michelle could bring.  Her spirit was a tangible thing.  We felt that spirit in our home.  We felt like we were a little closer to heaven.  She was our little light – our spiritual light that connected us in a more eternal way.

Michelle came with an incredible ability to love. She loves unconditionally and loves regardless of appearance, station in life or age.  (Well maybe that’s not quite true – she tells me she loves chubby guys!) As she grew I worried that someone would take advantage of her.  But no one did.  They must have felt her spirit too.   I was warned that when she reached a certain age, her classmates would begin to tease her.  To my knowledge it only happened once.  I watched time and time again as her peers looked after her, helped her, and loved her.  They invited her to birthday parties, sat by her at lunch and talked to her.  When she became a teenager they invited her to Prom and Homecoming and even voted her Homecoming Queen.  Now she is grown up and she still continues to shine that light of hers.  She shares her testimony every fast Sunday and greets people as they come to church.  She gives the best hugs and tells me every night that she is my ‘best baby girl.’

As Michelle grew, Lyle and I seriously considered moving to a larger community so that Michelle could associate with other young adults with Down Syndrome and have more opportunities for social interaction and growth.  But her teachers, both in school and in church, and community members provided so much love and support that we found St. Johns to be a very good place for Michelle.  She is able to work in the community and loves those she works with.  Her jobs provide a place to see people she knows and a place for her to feel that she is valued and needed.  Our little community has been wonderful to her.  People watch out for her, love her and help her feel secure.  If they see her alone in the community they call me to make sure she is where she should be and that she is safe.  They give her opportunities to serve in church. They talk to her when she is at work.  We are so blessed to live in a place that values the worth of a soul not by outward appearance but by the heart.

But even more than that, we are blessed to have Michelle in our lives.  Her spirit continues to shine bright and she knows how to cheer us up when we are feeling down.  That warm glow fills our house when she is there.  She taught me what unconditional love is really about.  I am so thankful for that one extra chromosome!