Happy Valentine’s Day!
A day when we take a moment to appreciate love and express our gratitude
for those who bless our lives with this great gift. There are so many ways to express love and I have seen many great models of love in my
lifetime, but one in particular stands out and I’d like to share a few words
about my aunt and uncle, Corrine and Frank Wilbur. They shared a special love that was a great
example to me.
The two lived here in town in their later years, and Frank
ran the St. Johns Rock Shop downtown, until their ailing health forced them to
move away. Uncle Frank passed away a few years ago, and one of his daughters
shared the lessons she learned from him in a “Top Ten” list format at his
funeral. These examples she shared, she observed
from her parents’ lives. The list is
applicable to all of us, and every item addresses the many roles that LOVE can
play in each of our lives and in our relationships, so I thought this an
appropriate day to share them.
My cousin Liz shared the following about her dad at his
funeral: “…though I’m no David Letterman, I would like to share with you the top
ten things that Dad taught us.
#10 Friendships are important. When we were younger we were
encouraged to develop friendships because Dad knew that would help us to grow
and also get through the difficult things in life. The sweetest thing that Mom and Dad taught
us is that the best friend you could ever have is your spouse. They did everything together from walking
around the block to traveling across the continents. They were inseparable.
#9 Manners matter. From opening doors, to expressions of politeness,
dad was on top of it. Dad had the highest
regard for women and their role in the home and society, and he showed that in
action and word. There wasn’t a time
that I can remember that he didn’t open mom’s car door, or offer to carry anything
for her, and always express his appreciation for anything that was done for
him. We laugh about taking Mom to the
store with us because she would stop and stand waiting for the car door to be
opened for her. Dad had trained her that all she had to do was stop and
wait. Even in their last few years
together when he was using a walker, he would try to open doors and carry
things when he really couldn’t.
#8 Being a grandparent is the best gig around! Now
for all of you grandparents, you know exactly what I am talking about. Dad loved being “Grandad”. He loved every single grandchild and was
interested in them, what they were doing, and how they were. He would get such a kick out of them. A cherished memory is at every July 24th
we would come up for the parade, but more importantly the lawn mower and fork
lift rides, and a tour through the rock shop.
He and mom took special trips with them.
They went whitewater rafting, to the Grand Canyon, Colorado, Disneyland,
&San Diego. He wanted the very best
for each grandchild and was always concerned with their happiness.
#7 Music soothes the soul. Dad
had a natural gift with his music. Because
of Rheumatic fever as a kid, he wasn’t able to have much physical activity thus
allowing him more time to practice the piano. It is interesting how a challenge
opened up other opportunities for growth in an area that gave him one of his
greatest joys, and abilities that enabled him to serve others throughout his
life. He played the piano beautifully
and with gusto. He played in his home ward, for community events, and
accompanied many soloists throughout his life.
He could recall hundreds of songs that he would play by ear. Spirituality, emotion and love were
passionately expressed on his piano.
#6 Laughter is the best medicine. Dad had a great sense of
humor. He had a great laugh and was
always smiling. He loved a good
pun. I can still hear both mom and dad
laughing and giggling together over so many things.
#5 Honor thy father and thy mother. Dad had the greatest respect for his mother, and knew she loved
him. His dad grew to be one of his best
friends through years of working together, talking and sharing. I don’t recall ever hearing dad speak negatively
about his parents, rather laughing about what he considered their quirks. He never required that they give their love in
a way that he wanted, rather he accepted what they gave using it to form his
own unique personality.
#4 It is more important to be good than look good. Dad
was authentic in every way. There was no
pretense about him. He had a way of
seeing each person as unique and allowed them to just be. While some people are more concerned with
hiding their flaws, he recognized his weaknesses and tried to overcome
them. He went about his business
treating others fairly, kindly, and with respect. Dad never had to tell people what he did or
how he served, he just did it. He didn’t
have to try to look good because he was good.
#3 Value your children. It is easy to naturally love your children,
but when you value who they are, what they have to give, and their thoughts and
feelings, you create a bond that is lasting.
The time Dad spent with us was precious because he did value us. He would take every opportunity to really
talk to us, and find out how we felt, what we thought and what we were doing in
our lives. The debate goes on about
quality verses quantity when in reality it is just about being available
emotionally for our children. Though
each us kids had different personalities and needs, dad found a way to meet
them, and encourage each of our gifts and talents. Throughout the years, dad would express how
much he enjoyed having us as children and how much fun it was. Our love and affection for him comes not from
the time he spent with us, or from what he did for us, but by how he made us
feel. We were loved, cherished, and
valued.
#2 Its all about the love. I remember dad telling the story of when he
and mom were dating. He was at the fairgrounds working at the concessions. After talking a bit, mom hopped over the the
counter to help him and they have been together ever since. Dad loved the fact that mom had a sense of
style and class, and encouraged her to be who she was. He loved to see her dressed up and I can
still hear him whistle when he saw her and then he would pat her fanny as he
would call it. While he loved the way
she looked, he loved her depth and the way she thought even more. It is hard to put into words exactly what made
their relationship so beautiful because it was so many things. The biggest thing however seems to be their
ability to become one with each other.
When they married, I became WE, and MINE became OURS. They not only embraced the positive, but also
accepted what might be considered negative and they worked with it. They loved all of who the other was
rather than bits and pieces. Some of the
sweetest moments of observing their love in its fullness was as they grew older
and were in the throes of their disease.
Being separated was a very lonely time for dad. He would look at mom’s picture and say “that’s
my girl. I love and miss her so much.” It was both painful and sweet to hear his expression
of love. Mom had not been able to walk
or communicate for years. One Easter I
was driving them to Jamie’s for dinner and in my rear view mirror I could see
mom reaching over to straighten dad’s windblown hair… and later dad made a
joke, and mom actually laughed and said “you!” as she had always done. Weeks before he died, I witnessed a day when
Mom was crying and dad went over to comfort her. He leaned over and whispered, “sweetheart,
everything is going to be okay. I love
you.” Mom calmed down for a moment and
said back, “I love you.” Even as weak, lost
and confused as they were, they still knew that they loved each other.
#1 The most important
thing Dad taught us, he did so with Mom, and that is when you have covenanted with the love of your life and you become one,
HOLD ON and never let go. Not through personal or spiritual crisis; not through
financial crisis, not through the raising of children, teenagers, even a
wayward child; not through the death of a child cause by something considered a
sin, not through the ebb and flow of human emotion; not through Alzheimer’s or
Lewy Body Dementia. HOLD ON and don’t ever let go!
Because if not in this lifetime, surely in the next to come, it will
have been worth it! To us there is no
Dad without Mom, even down to the great grandchildren, no Grandad without
Grammy. Though they were enough as
individuals, together they were amazing!
And at the end of the day, does it get any better than that?”
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