Over the past few years I have trained for and run a few marathons. For those who don't know, a marathon is 26.2 miles. To train for a marathon, it takes a lot of hours, dedication, and consistency. Each time I train for a marathon, I use an 18-week training program that consists of various distance runs, 6 days a week. The runs range in distance from 4 miles to 20 miles. Over a 6 day period, I will run as far as 60 miles and as little as 24 miles. The key to these training programs is consistency. When I visit with people about my training, I get lots of interesting questions. The other day I got a new question that I had never been asked before, "What is the toughest part of each run?" Even though I had never been asked the question before, my response came quickly without much thought, "The first mile." I went on to explain that when I take off to begin my run for the day, I struggle to catch my breath, and then I settle into a pace and my breathing evens out. This struggle for oxygen in that first mile is painful and at times a little scary. We all know that without oxygen the body will shut down and eventually die. The lack of oxygen in my lungs spreads through my chest causing some discomfort in my heart. Some people would describe this feeling by saying it feels like an elephant is sitting on their chest. Having experienced this day after day, I know that the remedy is to take big deep breaths and continue on. Oxygen will eventually fill my lungs, and the pain in my heart and chest will go away.
When I was 19 years old, I made some decisions in my life that were not good. As the consequences for those decisions piled up, I began to experience a physical pain in my chest like I described above. I felt like I was struggling for oxygen and that pain was spreading through my chest and into my heart. There were days that the pain became so great that I felt like my heart and lungs were going to explode. At that time, I learned that the best remedy for my poor decisions was to move forward one step at a time and try to make good decisions as I moved forward. Of course at that stage in my life making good decisions was not easy. But, I found comfort in good choices. Good choices eased the pain in my chest. Good choices gave me oxygen.
Just recently I had an experience where this same chest crushing sensation came forward. As my mind tried to wrap itself around the facts of this situation, I found myself struggling for oxygen. My lungs burned, and my heart ached. I felt like I was in the middle of my first mile, but this time I didn't know if continuing forward would be the solution. This particular situation presented problems that I didn't have answers to. I had never been down this road before, and I was lost. I decided I wasn't going to find the answers on my own, so I prayed! Although it took a few days, the pain subsided, and I could breathe again.
As Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, he bled from every pore. We know he bled from every pore as a consequence for our sins. Each one of our individual sins was paid for by the shedding of his blood. But the suffering did not end in the Garden. Elder James E. Talmage believes the Savior literally died of a broken heart while hanging on the cross. "While, as stated in the text, the yielding up of life was voluntary on the part of Jesus Christ, for He had life in Himself and no man could take His life except as He willed to allow it to be taken, there was of necessity a direct physical cause of dissolution... The strong, loud utterance, immediately following which He bowed His head and 'gave up the ghost,' when considered in connection with other recorded details, points to a physical rupture of the heart as the direct cause of death...Great mental stress, poignant emotion either of grief or joy, and intense spiritual struggle are among the recognized causes of heart rupture." In the book, "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister, he says, "If the Savior's broken heart was the last straw, the final blow symbolizing the quintessence of suffering in all of its terrible reality, then such a rupture might likewise symbolize that moment of climax when his mortal and spiritual frame could neither endure any more, nor need do so. He had given his all. His heart had broken in the giving process. There was nothing left to give nor any further price to pay."
At times in our lives when we encounter difficult situations or challenges, it feels like we are running that first mile. It feels like we can't get any oxygen. It feels like our heart is going to break! But it doesn't need to. Our Savior has already paid the price. We need to take advantage of this beautiful gift, and let the Atonement work in our lives. I don't think it is coincidental that the repentance process includes a broken heart and a contrite spirit!
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