The Man in the Mirror by Suzanne Hancock

When I moved back to St. Johns in 2001, I expected to experience the Mayberry-esque feelings and times that I remembered from my childhood and teenage years. Santa Claus arriving in an airplane with paper bags of candy. Walking to Circle K with my Papa for a treat. Friday night dances at the high school. Friends and family aplenty, all with never-ending smiles. I even had an Aunt Bea!

Boy, was I disappointed to return as an adult and find that all those I thought were the perfect mothers and fathers and families actually had faults. People weren’t nice and friendly but busy and tired. Teaching was just as demanding and time-consuming as it had been in Tempe. And there certainly was no Sheriff Taylor for me to date, as all the single men in town were widowers as old as my grandparents.

Norman Rockwell had repainted my beloved hometown into something unrecognizable to me.

I was crushed. Why had I returned home? This was NOT what I wanted or needed. As each day, week, month, and even year, passed, I became more bitter as the chasm grew between what I hoped St. Johns would be for me and what it actually was. I was depressed and lonely and angry.

Then something happened.

St. Johns gradually became that picture-perfect small town again. Everyone greeted me with a smile and a warm hello; some even gave me a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Teaching became something I loved and not merely my job. I watched those around me trying their best to be good mothers and fathers and people. The kids in town went from being bothersome to being amazing, talented, respectful young people. I was in awe of this transformation. It was as if fairy dust had been sprinkled all over our community and everyone sparkled. I even saw beauty in our dry, brown land.

One day it hit me that there was no magical change that had occurred in the town, but there had been a magical change within me. In a few years’ time, I had started to do things in my own life that brought me to where I needed to be. Reading my scriptures, praying more, attending church, serving others… All these brought me closer to Jesus Christ, which brought me closer to happiness.

Michael Jackson inspiringly sings, “I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer: If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change.”

I had looked at the (wo)man in the mirror all those years ago, and I had not liked what I had seen. I made changes, and my world became a better place. Even now, when I start to feel frustrated and critical and judgmental, I take a look at myself to see what I need to do differently. I try to put on my rose-colored glasses daily in order to see the good in others. I try to remember that everyone is fighting a battle in his/her life, whether large or small. I try to soften my heart and feel empathy, compassion, and love.

I TRY, which is all any of us are doing. And when I fail, which we also all do, I start back with the Suzanne in the mirror, and I ask myself to make a change – a change that will bring me closer to being the Daughter of God that I am destined to be.