Light the World by Suzanne Hancock

Last year when the LDS church announced its Light the World initiative, I was gung-ho and ready to go. I made sure that I participated each day, shared my experiences on social media, and hash tagged each post #LightTheWorld, just as instructed on LDS.org and Mormon.org. I felt the Spirit, I drew closer to my Savior and to my fellow men/women, and I was so grateful for the church's revelation of this Christ-centered countdown. I felt Christmas like I hadn't in awhile.

You would think I would come out guns-a-blazin' again this year, with the 2nd year of Light the World happening now. Well, it hasn't happened.

I did the first three days, and I was feeling the warmth and glow of the season once again. Then day four came, and I got busy. I thought about what to do, but I didn't do it. Day five came, and again my thoughts didn't turn to action. Day six, day seven, and all the way now to day 16, and I have failed. I look each day, but I haven't fully participated. With guilt abounding in my heart and mind, I tried to figure out what had happened to me. Why had I let all these days go by without doing something that I know would help me feel the true spirit of the season?

The answer slapped me in the face. How could I light the world when my own light was dimmed?

In The Forgotten Carols by Michael McLean, one song's lyrics spoke to my heart this year.

Somewhere beneath the glitter

That comes this time of winter

In many souls there is a cry

They may not clearly say it

But in their hearts they pray it

And you can see it in their eyes

'I cannot find my way

I cannot find my way

I cannot find my way at all

There are so many voices

So many different choices,

I cannot find my way at all.'

This is exactly how I was feeling. Many of us have been there. We go through the motions of the church. We do our callings. We go to church. We have family prayer. Yet we may still feel lost.

When I went back and reviewed the missed days, my OCD self thought I needed to play catch-up and do them all. Really, I am still struggling not to do this. However, I started to contemplate each day of the initiative, and I realized that each day had provided me with an opportunity to see that day's purpose in action.

I sang "We sing Hallelujah" with neighbors at a Fine Arts event. I felt my mom watching over me the next day. I had a friend teach me about looking at others through forgiving and loving eyes. I walked down and met my sweet son after school, and we walked and talked back home. My husband prayed for people who are suffering from sickness, grief, and loss. Each day something happened that correlated with the Light the World calendar.

When my light wasn't feeling like shining, the Lord sent me the light of others to help me see His hand in all things. He knows I wanted to participate fully in this wonderful initiative. He knows that I am struggling in ways that may not be seen by the eyes of the world. He knows that my heart feels a little lost right now.

Yet He is still there. Always there. Ever shining His light for me. For you. For all of us. He knows that I will find my way back, and, until then, He will give me a way to see the light in the world all around me.

That song continues and finishes with this comforting knowledge:

There were three kings

Who followed the star

Of Bethlehem

They came from afar

To praise and honor Him

His light

which beckoned them to see

The Lord of Man

It calls to you,

It calls to me

We're not alone,

We have a star

And it shines today

The love that He gave

Teaches how

And shows the way

That light,

it's clear to see

If we have faith and believe

Three kings found the Lord

And so can we.

And if you've lost your way,

That light burns bright today

And it will shine eternally

Three kings found the Lord

And so can we

'Lord help us find the way

We need to find the way

Lord help us find the way back home'

Three kings found the Lord

And so can we

'Lord help us find the way

We need to find the way

Lord help us find the way back home'

Three kings found the Lord

And so can we

'Lord help us find the way

We need to find the way

Lord help us find the way back home

Lord help us find the way

We need to find the way

Lord help us find the way back home'

And so must we!